Five Dollar Foot Gone

Sarah Schrupp

Freshman/English education

 

Five Dollar Foot Gone

                Subway is making big news in the fast food industry.  Head of the Subway Advertising Department, Todd Glasglow, announced to the public last Friday that Subway will no longer be advertising $5.00 foot longs.  Glasgow was reported saying “Yeah, those commercials are getting a little redundant.  Even I have to turn the channel when I see them.  I mean if the American public doesn’t know by now that Subway sells mediocre excuses of sandwiches for $4.50 more than it costs to make them, then I don’t know that they’ll ever figure it out.  Our patron customers know where to find us.  That’s good enough for us.”

                Just mere hours after Subway stopped airing their commercial, disgruntled Subway enthusiast Eric Leddle checked into St. Patrick’s Hospital in Tucson, Arizona on account of severe trauma from a head-on car crash. 

                After sneaking a peak at hospital charts, channel 7 news has told the public that Leddle’s accident is directly linked to the disappearance of Subway commercials.  According to the charts, Leddle was “confused and frazzled” as he was trying to decide where to eat for supper.  He couldn’t remember where it was that sold $5.00 foot longs, and soon began to panic.  Quizno’s?  Sub Connection?  Subway?  Leddle was baffled and soon angry.  Leddle wanted his second-rate sandwich dang nabbit!  Distracted of the thought that he may never again sink his teeth into two pieces of stale bread and a small quantity of meat-like substances, Laddle accidentally swerved into an oncoming car on Highway 45. 

                Subway president John Lubeck feels “pretty bad” about the whole situation, and decided to send Leddle a coupon for half off the $5.00 footlong.  Sadly, the coupon didn’t have Subway’s name on it, and Leddle never got his $2.50 footlong.   

 



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