Let’s Conspire to Ignite

12/31/1969 - 19:00
Keith Cormany
Undergraduate/History

Have you ever looked around and noticed gaps in human understanding? Human beings are naturally curious. We try to fill these gaps. And whenever we can develop an idea which can accurately explain something—no matter how ‘weird,’ ‘crazy,’ or ‘holy fucking shit this is so insane not even Sarah Palin would believe this’ it might sound—we can be certain that this idea is the truth. We sometimes look for this truth… and we sometimes find it. Finding the truth requires a deeper level of intellect than simply accepting what your government tells you. Your governments are not your governments. They are governments by and for an elite group of people—and as we will see, they are not always people! This article is a manifesto for the truth. Open your eyes, people! The truth IS out there!

First, you must understand this basic principle of truthology: there are no ‘simple’ explanations for anything. If there is a simple explanation, you can be sure it is wrong (at best) or is a lie concocted by secretive and shady organizations in collusion with the government (at worst). Every single truth that exists in the world is complex. If you find one shred of evidence, look further. Regardless of how difficult and ‘far-fetched’ it may become, you are sure to find a network and trail of individuals and organizations conspiring against the common people. Another important rule is what I like to call Mulder’s Law: if something appeared on an episode of The X-Files, it is likely to be true.

Reptilians are the cornerstones of the truth. A fairly small group of reptile-like aliens came to Earth approximately 4,000 years ago. Their superior intelligence gave them the ability to infiltrate the highest reaches of power. Today, they now control the media, the governments, and the United Nations. Every member of the Bush family is a reptilian. Every member of the Kennedy family is (or, was…) a reptilian. Every member of the British royal family is a reptilian (it is only a matter of time until they consume Kate Middleton, who is still a person). You are surely thinking that we would be able to differentiate between reptilians and people. In principle, this is true. However, reptilians also drink the blood of humans, which allows them to assume human form. Reptilians abduct humans in order to provide a new supply of blood; this accounts for all alien abductions.

The ultimate goal of reptilians is the formation of a one-world government. The reptilians are actively pursuing this; they have made great strides with the establishment of the European Union. This one-world government could accurately be described as Orwellian. There will not be a single dictator; all decisions would be made by a small group of powerful reptilians. They will introduce a single currency; all other forms of currency will be illegal. All laws will be enforced by a KGB-esque secret police organization. Any freedoms we now enjoy will be permanently terminated. Through “peacekeeping” organizations such as the United Nations (which we know is controlled by Reptilians), human beings will be forcibly relocated into specifically designated urban areas, where they will be forced to perform labor in order to benefit the reptilians.

In order to begin “dumbing down” the populace, reptilians have started to contaminate our water and oxygen supplies. One side effect is that rainbows now appear in our sprinklers. We know for a fact this was not happening 20 years ago. This suggests that reptilians are stepping up their attempts to create a zombie-like populace.

Any attempt to discern the truth must touch on the Illuminati and Freemasons. These secretive organizations are simply false-flag operations conducted by reptilians. Reptilians have created these harmless organizations to mislead the people. Albeit a noble cause, many truth-searchers spend their lives futilely trying to destroy the Illuminati and Freemasons. As a result, reptilians are able to more effectively conduct their operations.

The media is also an important tool of power for reptilians. For nearly the past century, reptilians and their human cohorts have dominated all major forms of media. This has changed within the past several years, however. A beacon of freedom has emerged to tell the truth: Glenn Beck. Mr. Beck is not afraid to tell the truth. He speaks out in the cause of liberty. And, as it turns out, Glenn Beck is not entirely himself. At the heart of this is Amber Reed, who happens to be the Editor-in-Chief of the very publication you are now reading. Ms. Reed, it turns out, is Glenn Beck. She simply dons a Glenn Beck costume and tells us the truth. And for that, we thank her. She also encourages people to write for The Flip Side. How? She is also Daniel Saffert. Writing under Mr. Saffert’s name, she submits infuriating articles that cause people to reply en masse.

What hope, then, do we have as a people? The answer lies with the Pleiadians. They are a group of peaceful, liberty-loving aliens who will one day liberate us from the reptilians. It will be a glorious time, as the Pleiadians have promised each individual $8 million. I look forward to this day. Do you?


The Flip Side is a publication dedicated to providing an alternative media outlet and forum on the UW-Eau Claire campus by welcoming the writings, views, and involvement of all students and community members. By reporting on news, perspectives, and opinions on all issues, we seek to develop and maintain our freedom of speech.

All published material remains the property of the individual contributors. Opinions of the writers and contributors are their own. Articles found within, in no way reflect the opinion of The Flipside Press as a whole. The Flipside Press rserves the right to reject any advertising, articles, letters, images, or other material submitted for publication.