Let’s Party Like Jesus
12/31/1969 - 19:00
Undergraduate/Public Relations
April 28, 2011
Dear Diary,
Well, the school year is almost up and summer will be here and gone before we even knew what hit us. I’m at the point where I’m all registered for fall classes, I’ve got my current classes tied up, and I’m brainstorming super fantastic parties to have over summer.
So far, my best idea is a What Would Jesus Do? (WWJD) party. The idea is simple: what, in fact, would Jesus do? Would Jesus get hella smashed on a Tuesday night? Duh. Would Jesus laugh at that girl who just fell into a shower dressed in footie pajamas? Of course. Would Jesus sing the Star Spangled Banner after winning a game of flip cup? You betcha. Everyone at the party has to reason every action by asking themselves, "WWJD?" and everyone must drink wine. Or turn water into wine, because that’s fshosies what Jesus would do.
Another party idea is (and do not act surprised) a Stone Face party! Except instead of doing something nastastic under the table, a girl should go around plucking hairs from the guys' upper thigh regions and the ones who can’t keep a straight face will be punched in the throat (with a shot of Everclear), slapped in the face (with a Slap of Jesus), and fucked in the asshole (with a shot of bottom shelf tequila). Side note: stupid boys expecting to play Stone Face deserve to puke.
My final idea thus far is a First Birthday party. This party will basically be a celebration/reenactment of everyone’s first birthdays. People are encouraged to dress in the nude and bonus points are given if they rub jelly all over themselves and/or tape a straw to their belly button to make an umbilical cord. No one may drink out of a can or cup, they must use a sippy cup or baby bottle. Also, and this is just my party-planning self’s contribution, boobs and vajajays are fair game for everyone the whole night (that’s pretty much all any of us had in our faces the day of our births, anyways).
That's all I've got for now, but, in closing, I’d like to thank everyone for reading my articles and the rest of The Flip Side this year. It was a pleasure providing reading material for Wednesday morning classes. Have a great summer, Eau Claire and don’t do anything Jesus wouldn’t do!