Three Ideas That Will Make Me Unpopular

Mike Kosiak
Undergraduate/Psychology and Sociology

The following three points involve topics that I consider to be some of the most important during our college experience. There is no doubt that the decisions that you make during these fine, four to five years will greatly influence you for the rest of your life. In providing you with information that is contrary to the mainstream, it is my hope to stimulate thought about these subjects so that you can make the best decisions possible. These topics all deserve their own article but for the sake of being concise I will only write a little bit on each of them.

WARNING: The following ideas are NOT found in Cosmopolitan Magazine, Lil' Wayne's lyrics, or on The Jersey Shore.

Sex

Now that I have your attention, let's talk about sex! There is no question that sex becomes a big deal for many of us in high school and reality for many more of us in college. Outside of sex education classes, we learn about sex from our friends and family but it is the media that is probably our most influential teacher. Pop quiz! How long should we wait to have sex? According to Cosmopolitan Editor in Chief Kate White, a woman dating a man she likes should wait 3 or 4 dates before having sex with him. Did anyone else get chills? Now, I'm not sure on what grounds Cosmo advises to wait 3 or 4 dates before sex, but scientific research suggests you might want to wait a bit longer. A study by Jay Teachman (2003) found that women who had sex before marriage had a significantly higher risk of divorce than those who had not had premarital sex1. In addition to this, women who had their first sexual experience with someone other than their husband were more than twice as likely to experience marital dissolution (divorce) as women who had their first sexual experience with their husband. Please note however, that women who had premarital sex with their future husband did not face this increased risk of divorce. There is something to be said about this information. I can't help but think that the majority of us want to avoid getting divorced, especially since 43% of married couples report they are "very happy" compared to 24% of not married couples2. Why then do we go out on the weekend with the intention of having sex with people we don't know or love? Why do we say, "Let's go slay some hood rats!" (if people even say that…) when it really means "Lets go actively increase the risk of divorce and long-term unhappiness for myself and others!" Seriously though, in a world where 40-50% of us will get divorced why do we risk it?

Drugs

What are the main reasons people use drugs (alcohol included)? This is an interesting question to ask yourself and your friends. Some people use drugs to forget about problems, like a fight they had with a friend. Others use drugs to mask insecurities, such as nervousness or shyness. A lot of people use drugs because they're just plain bored. My answer to this question used to be "because it's more fun than not doing drugs" and I don't deny that for many people this is true. Think about this for a second though: What if you could have as much fun without using drugs as you do when you use drugs? Well not only do I think that's possible, but it has become a reality for me. In fact I think almost everyone is capable of having a better time sober than they ever could on drugs (although it will take some practice). Here's why: we all know that drugs have their limits. If you drink too much you might not do terrible things, but forgetting an awesome night, making your friends angry, and throwing up are definite possibilities. Smoking weed too frequently can make you tired and unmotivated. Prescription drugs like Adderall can cause insomnia while antianxiety medications such as Xanax have several side effects, including depression. It's not necessarily that drugs are dangerous, it's that oftentimes the negative effects of drugs can outweigh the positive experience of the user. When you are sober you don't experience any of these negative effects. It might take longer to master having fun sober but you won't face side effects and you don't have to wait until Friday night to start enjoying yourself. Next time you take a shot, hit a bong, or pop Adderall ask yourself why you're doing it. Remember, it's not whether someone is using alcohol to solve their problems or not, it's how much someone is using alcohol to solve their problems.

Money

Surprise! Money doesn't buy happiness; well at least not after a certain point. Studies show that wealth and happiness essentially follow the economic theory of declining marginal utility. This means that each additional dollar a person receives will provide them with less happiness than the previous dollar. This idea is found in a study where participants rated their happiness on a scale of 1 to 7, 1 meaning "not satisfied at all with my life" and 7 meaning "completely satisfied". Homeless people in Calcutta scored 2.9 on average whereas slum dwellers in Calcutta, who are one economic class above the homeless, scored an average of 4.63. So it seems that once people have their basic needs fulfilled, happiness begins to plateau as more and more money is gained. So if money only buys happiness up until your basic needs are met, then how do we achieve greater happiness? I believe the answer lies in this next example. In the same study, American multimillionaires rated their happiness at 5.8. However, two other categories of people scored a 5.8. They were the Inuit of northern Greenland and the Masai of Kenya, who live in dung huts and have no electricity or running water. I think this is a good example to demonstrate my belief that happiness is based more on the outlook of your life experience rather than your life experience itself. Now I don't mean to say that if you're starving to death and you concentrate really hard you will be happy, that's ridiculous. What I am saying though is that people mistakenly believe unnecessary material possessions are necessities. What happens next is a sort of materialistic perfectionism, where one feels they always need to have something better than what they currently have. If someone always feels like they need something better they will probably not be happy for very long. This same logic can be applied to sex and drugs as well. People are always searching for the next best thing rather than learning how to appreciate what they already have.

In conclusion, I believe the mainstream ideas about sex, drugs, and money are for the most part incorrect and foolish. I also believe that by challenging these norms, people will ask questions of themselves and our society, which will hopefully lead to a better understanding of the topics we have covered.

If you ever want to contact with comments, criticism, or questions please send me an email. If you would like to talk to me in person, you might find me at your nearest house party this weekend. I'll be the guy drinking chocolate milk.

Sources:
1 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.17413737.2003.00444.x/full
2 http://www1.eur.nl/fsw/happiness/hap_cor/desc_cor.php?sssid=14044
3 http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2007/10/14/why-money-doesn-tbuy-happiness.html